Hey everyone, welcome to Tip Thursday!
I’m actually in a really good mood today, and I’m not quite sure why, so hopefully I don’t ruin it by offending anyone because today, we’re talking about relationships. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it 1,000 times before it’s all over: I’ve been wrong before and I will be wrong again. But in my opinion, a relationship starts with you. What that means is, I don’t feel anyone can be in a truly successful romantic (because you didn’t choose your coworkers, your boss or even…your family) relationship without knowing what it is you’re looking for, or what you want.
Set your priorities
Before I get into that any further, let me say that it is perfectly acceptable and okay to try relationships to figure that out. I’m a teenager right now, so I can only give you guys what I know (and what my family and friends have shoved down my throat). When you’re a teenager, your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals and whatever else you think you know are going to change so many times, you’ll get dizzy just thinking about it. But because you know that that is going to happen, you have to make it clear to the person you want to be with beforehand what you’re going through and what it is you’re looking for from this relationship. This brings up a really good point…
Trust is grown
Always always always, be honest with the person you’re dating. All of my relationships whether it’s my friends, my family, people I work with at school or at the paper, everyone in your life, you need to be able to trust. Because I’ve broken people’s trust and people have broken mine, I’ve been on both sides of this equation and let me tell you, it’s never fun on either side. You need to be able to trust the person you’re with and they need to be able to trust you. A big part of that trust comes from both of you being able to talk to each other and be honest with each other. If you’re not completely comfortable with something that is going on, speak up! If you have differing opinions on something, don’t lie because you want to appease your partner, it gets you both nowhere. He’s going to be confused later on, down the road because you lied, you’re going to be frustrated because you have no idea why he keeps bringing up things that you have no interest in and it’s just going to be a mess.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, shut up
Now along with honesty comes a measure of respect. Don’t say anything in a way that you know is going to hurt the other person. If you’re angry, frustrated, or in my case (tired or caffeine deprived), keep your mouth shut. Do you understand what it is I am trying to convey to you. If you know that you really don’t want to have a certain conversation because it is going to set you off, tell your partner! They’re with you and have probably been dealing with your mood swings for a while, they will understand. Now, let me be clear, do not use this as an excuse to dodge conversations that may be hard to deal with. Eventually, you guys are going to need to sit down and every once in a while, there are things that are going to be hard to talk about, but they need to be addressed. Just take a deep breath, make yourself some tea, it’ll be okay.
Learn to be friends first.
Before you get into a romantic relationship with someone, you need to have already established a different kind of relationship… it’s okay to be friends. If you can’t be friends with the person you’re dating, you probably shouldn’t be dating them. Think about it, some of the friends you have in your life right now, you’ve had since you were learning to walk, right? And there are also some friends that you had a year ago that you couldn’t recall a last name if you tried. Some people are meant to stay in your life forever, and some are only meant to help you through a certain stage. If you establish what kind of person the person you’re crushing on is before you start dating them, you may not have those kinds of problems later on down the road.
Set your boundaries
Girls, don’t get crazy with this one. Guys, same goes for you. Boundaries are super important; however, use discretion. If one of your boundaries is that your significant other cannot be around anyone else when they’re with you or that they aren’t allowed to have any friends that you don’t approve of…you’re going overboard. Look, you are just one part of their life, and you may not even be that big of a part, get that through your head. On the other hand, if something truly bothers you and you know that it bothers you, be able to talk about that with your partner and figure out if you two can work something out.
Your relationship is your relationship
I find this point extremely important to mention, because other people are a pain in my hind parts. If you are with a person (and they treat you right) honestly, the opinions of your friends don’t matter. I do understand that you’re going to talk about your bf/gf with your friends, its normal and I do have friends (as hard as that is to believe) I get it. But keep in mind that there are some things that are not okay to bring up with your friends. If your significant other has certain insecurities, keep those to yourself. If they have trusted you with something, don’t break that trust. It’s not worth the damage that you may do to your partner for a laugh, or to feel like you have part in a conversation. With that being said, your relationship is also your choice. If you want to keep it, keep it. If you want to break up, break up, but do not do not do not do something just because your friends told you it was a good idea. They’re trying to figure things out as well, and don’t really know any more than you do.
They had a life before you
A big problem that people come to me to talk about (I give them the same look that you’re giving your computer screen right now, I know) is that their significant other still talks to their ex, or they’re afraid that their significant other still loves their ex. I’m going to tell you guys the same thing I tell them. “You love your parents, your grandparents, your friends, your pets and even the stuffed animal that you carry around with you everywhere. Why can’t they love they love another person?” Seriously, what’s the big issue here? I know, I’ve been on the other side as well (I’m not completely perfect). But I realized that I was being stupid. The way I see it, an “ex” is an “ex” for a reason. But that doesn’t mean that you have to (or even can, for that matter) un-feel everything you’ve ever felt for that person. When I was faced with this same (actually, not quite the same, but similar) situation in my own relationship, I realized that I would have been really selfish to, just because I didn’t like it, ask that my boyfriend stop talking to his ex. If you think about it, that person was practically a best friend to your partner before you came along and how would you feel if someone told you that they didn’t like your best friend. Which one of them would you cut out of your life?
So now that I’ve thoroughly offended each and every one of you, I think I’m filled my quota of advice for the day. I hope some of these tips help you in your own relationship (If all else fails, call your mom and or dad) and just always keep in mind that not every relationship works out. People are constantly growing and sometimes they grow apart. That doesn’t mean that the two of you are horrible people, it just means that you’re different.
With that wrapped up, I hope you guys have a great day. If you’ve enjoyed my two cents, be sure to like, comment, and share this post. I love you all and I will see you tomorrow